Colbert is Dead to Me* and dead people don't get awards. *No Stephen Colbert was harmed in the making of this website. Not even a hair. A perfect, shiny hair. Colbert is Dead to Me Petition Colberlogies Facebook Contact Headquarters Hey Caveman or Cavelady! Your computer appears to be in the Stone Age. To fully enjoy this site, you need to upgrade Flash and give Colbert his due.
Welcome

to ColbertIsDeadToMe.com, InterNation. We're a for-profit group formed to prove that Stephen Colbert is a fraud who deserves no recognition. Sadly, some of the world's most highly respected institutions have already fallen victim to the Colbert dupe.

Why should Stephen Colbert be named "Webby Person of the Year"?1

Unless he has webbed feet, I can't imagine why.
Who is me? (and you aren't!)

Me is Kathy Kohn and Ryan Wolman, two champions of the internet who work under the name henderson bas. They are calculating geniuses who practically invented the information superhighway. In a word, they are the internettiest. Oh, they also run a team of meagre creative plebeians who support their lofty goals.

What is this InterNation?
  • To inter is a verb meaning to bury a body, as in when Stephen Colbert is dead to me.
    But that's not what we mean here.
  • Inter is also about a bonding, or a connection between entities. That's what we mean.
  • Nation is about America, but also about other countries that are somehow Less Than America. But not Mexico. We don't need to bond with Mexico.

InterNation is about countries coming together to raise awareness about how Stephen Colbert is dead to me's everywhere. Me don't like power-hungry power eaters like Stephen Colbert.

Petition

Be the first, second, third, fourth or last Hero to sign the
Colbert is Dead to Me Petition!

Petition to Compel Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. to Defend
his Title as Webby's Person of the Year.
Live, and in Person.


To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to my attention that there is an epidemic sweeping the InterNation. It's an epidemic of over-appreciation, where people are told they can do things (but they can't); where Stephen Colbert is named Person of the Year (but he isn't). Who's running this place, anyhow? Oprah?

This petition's purpose is threefold.2 The undersigned petit3 that:

  1. Stephen Colbert should be required to defend his title as Webby Person of the Year. What could he possibly know about the Internet? He should submit to a live, on-air debate with the internettiest of all4 to put this issue to bed forever.
  2. The title of Webby Person of the Year should go to henderson bas.5
  3. When, and only when, this issue is resolved, will Dr. Stephen T. Colbert rise from the dead and take his place at the right hand of my father (he's in prison, and he's lonely. He could use a pretty face).

Sincerely,

Your (Fake/Real/Stripper) Name:

Your (Fake/Real/Stripper) Email Address*

(*that you use to collect junk mail - you know you have one.)

 


* The Single Most Important Button You’ll Ever Click.


Pass it on

Spread the word. To friends, family, anyone but poor people.


Fight the good fight
Go ahead, try it. I dare you. Or should I say Me dare you. Fold your computer in three. Tough, huh? Well, this petition is tougher than that. Word? I don't know. Verb? Yes. a.k.a. Me, a.k.a. Kathy Kohn and Ryan Wolman, a.k.a. henderson bas. henderson bas is a company, not a person. But anyone who knows anything knows that a company is more human than a human being. Just think about the fuzzy feeling you get when your favourite store consults their customer database and sends you a coupon for your birthday. When was the last time a person sent you a coupon for your birthday?!
Colberlogies

In Memory of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

The "Eu" in "eulogy" is greek for "good." And what could be gooder than Stephen Colbert? Answer: Nothing. Nothing could be gooder than Stephen Colbert. But don't take me's word for it...

"Stephan T. Colbert is a God amongst men and should be this Nations comedy Czar. "

- David Liskov

"Pushover!"

- Ulysses S. Grant

"This man is a "genuis"."

- Albert Einstein

"Colbert eats babies."

- Nancy Pelosi

"His big head would get stuck in the series of tubes. It is therefore impossible for him to have won this award."

- Ted Stevens

"Colbert has no idea what he's talking about."

- His Gut

"I agree, send those Mexicans back to Mexicarica!!!"

- Lou Dobbs

"I had no idea that Colbert is so ignorant regarding the web. I looked at his web site and realized that he really doesn't know what he's doing. I'm going to stop watching his show now."

- Marion Kingsdale

"Colbert is a know-nothing blowhard who knows squat about the internet. "

- Dennis Reynolds

"Webby person of the Year? Are you kidding me? I invented the damn internet"

- Al Gore

"He's dead to me too...the bastard"

- Jon Stewart

"Who's died? Whoooo? Hooooooo?"

- The Owls

"I'm dead to him? I'll show him dead to him... oh, what? he's dead to someone too? He's pretty cute. Maybe I can meet him in the afterlife."

- Heather Clark, Strategist at henderson bas

"Sure, we were dead to him first, but that doesn't mean we don't miss him now that he's dead too. We’ll pull out our tri-colour outfits in his honour."

- Bowtie Pasta

"WHO WILL DENY ME?!"

- Science

"WHO WILL LEAD US?!"

- The Nation

"We miss Stephen Colbert already. His fleshy face looked so tasty, we would sit for hours and fantasize about dipping his head in a pot of honey and chomping on it. Yummmmmmm. Too bad we don't eat carrion. Vultures, you can have him."

- Bears. Grizzly Bears.

"I met Master Colbert on a cold day in Londonshire. His shiny glasses shined on me, and I knew he was a good man. I asked him for tuppence, and he called me a Good-For-Nothing-Welfare-Seeking-Commoner. I was right: his glasses were shiny."

- Oliver, Professional Street Urchin

Write your own memories of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., in this box. This is where you share your thoughts, and it's the thought that counts.


(1000 characters max)

Your (Fake/Real/Desired) Name:

 

Start Over. Not Good Enough